I just want to start off by saying how much I miss my friends in Logan and John in Salt Lake. I miss hanging out with and having fun with the greatest "family" I had in Utah. I miss the late nights at Tummi Yummi's and the cool people who work there. I will definitely miss the winters; those were my favorite moments the 8 years I lived there. Wintertime with flip flops! I miss the 16 year old high schoolers I worked with in Hyrum and all of the smart remarks. I think I miss the Jewish jokes the most though. (I am a quarter Jewish and they did tell them in humor and not to be offensive).
The last couple of days have been awkward. I am not sure how to explain that but I haven't been sleeping well and with the last couple of events that I have seen or have heard about isn't really helping the situation.
If you don't know. I moved back to Texas to be closer to family. With my dad being sick and in the hospital a few times, I did want to move closer to him, you know just in case something went wrong. It is a 13 hour drive than a what 3-4 day drive to Georgia.
I have been in Texas officially for two full weeks and I have somewhat enjoyed myself, the fact that I run into people I knew before my adventures in Logan Utah and those who know my family. But on Friday night, I wish I didn't see what I had seen. The phrase me and my sister came up with (over the phone) was 'I see dead people'.. I really did, I was driving to go pick up a friend (she lives about 25 min away from me) to go to the movies. On the road I take to get to her home is blocked by cops and fire truck and whatever else was there. The detour route was through a strip mall parking lot and I was going slowly so I didn't hit anyone going to the bar. I looked to the left (where the scence was) and saw a person lying in the road. I didn't know at that time that they were dead! I make my way to where my friend lives and she doesn't feel like going since she just got in an agurement with her mom. Not a big deal, I was going to go by myself. I decided on the way to the theater that I didn't want to be alone when I came out of the movie that I just went to Blockbuster and rented some movies and went home. The same route going home was the road I took to get to my friends. The side of the road was still full of cops and emergency vehicles but there was a white sheet over the body I had seen an hour earlier. I got really nauseous and couldn't wait to get home. I saw the SUV that must have hit this person; the cops were looking at it like they do in the show C.S.I. This road is a major road without being a highway with a speed limit of 45-55 depending on what area you are in. I assume that this person was crossing this road (not at the cross walk) and the person in the vehicle didn't see him in time to slow down and just hit him. I really had a hard time going to bed that night. I finally fell asleep somewhere around 4:30am.
Today when I woke up, thanks to a friend in Utah, I have been thinking about a friend of mine whose dad passed away about a month and a half ago. When I talked to him just after the fall semester started, I told him how sorry I was to hear about his dad. He was cool about it. I was thinking about emailing him and asking him how he can be calm and be ok with it. It reminded me of another person I know that just lost his wife this last summer from cancer. He too was calm and ok with it. But I really want to know how they feel deep inside. This was my thought today (Saturday) until I received a phone call from my mom saying that my dad was in the hospital. He was admitted when he kept on running a fever in the 104s and his legs are swollen and infected. I think it is because of his diabetes and he hasn't really been taking care of himself the best that he could.
When talking to my sister today we were talking about diabetes and I had read that you could lose your limbs from it. She had told me that you could and if that were to happen with dad that he would be more depressed than he already is. I think that my dad needs to see a doctor for his depression, if he hasn't already, and get the help that he needs. That brings up the next thing that is somewhat bothering me.
My friend told me today when she had called to see how I was doing, told me why didn't want to go to the movies with me on Friday night. She had said that she had got in an arguement with her mom about her hanging out with me. Then she told me that she has been thinking about suicide a lot and how she tells her mom how she wished she could die. Even if she was joking, that isn't something you would joke about. She told me that she had told her mom that something is wrong and she needs to see someone to talk to. I really hope her mom is listening to her, I think she needs help.
I am still wide awake with a headache starting to form. It is almost 2am here in Texas and I can't stop thinking about everything that has been happening this weekend. I really do hope that going to church and talking to people will help me through these issues.
Wow, I totally undertstand how overwhelming it can be. There is SO much sadness and depression going on around us, myself included! I struggle with depression, myself, but thankfully have medication and the gospel! Having hope and the peace that can be had from the gospel (and Priesthood blessings, too!) helps. That's not to say that it's all easy-coasting. Not at all. Your friends should be thankful for such a caring friend like you, Renee.
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